Soundtrack

“Stay Alive” by José González

Before the book begins, one quiet instruction. Then we can get to the bad decisions.

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“Also Sprach Zarathustra/An American Trilogy” by Elvis Presley

If your life starts with the wrong first name, you’re allowed one dawn-of-mankind entrance.

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“Once in a Lifetime” by Talking Heads

How did I get here? Literally. My name wasn’t even supposed to be Brandon.

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“Puttin’ On The Ritz” by Bing Crosby

My childhood had Elvis, the Fonz, Sears-catalog Michael Jackson, and an audition for Puttin’ on the Hits. Bing Crosby is the closest any of it came to dignity.

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“Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell

If you have ever been caught doing something you cannot explain by someone who will never ask about it, this one’s for you.

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“We Are Family” by Sister Sledge

Ironic? Maybe. Accurate? Unfortunately.

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“Wolf Like Me” by TV on the Radio

For four years, I thought the chained dog was the monster. Then the chain broke, and the only wolf in the yard wanted to lick my face.

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“Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode

Altar boy era. Short-lived. God and I had creative differences.

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“Surrender” by Cheap Trick

Mom found my weed, staged an intervention, drove me to rehab on my seventeenth birthday, then smoked the evidence with the neighbors. Eventually, I surrendered.

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“Cum on Feel the Noize” by Slade

Before Quiet Riot, before Oasis, before us: Slade. Three chords, a fog machine, and enough volume to make competence optional.

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“Reckoner” by Radiohead

Opal had an accident. I had a reckoning. The fluorescent lights, bleach, and my stomach handled the rest.

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“The Rat” by The Walkmen

We pounded on Ratt’s tour bus asking for an autograph. Stephen Pearcy told us to get the fuck out. The Walkmen had already written his side of the story.

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“The Rubberband Man” by The Spinners

The band changed names every show. One of them was The Rubberband Man Band. Thirty years later, it finally gets top billing.

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“Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks

There’s a bird in the song. There’s a bird in the chapter. That’s all I’m saying.

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“Sabotage” by Beastie Boys

The first thing I ever directed was fourteen minutes of masks, fire-extinguisher fog, fake credits, and a boombox soundtrack. It was terrible. It also explains everything.

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“Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division

The title is doing all the work. Let it.

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“Big Love” by Lindsey Buckingham

Fifteen weeks from a costume party to a wedding. We wanted something enormous, and I kept believing sheer force could hold it together.

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“Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)” by Doris Day

A child asks what happens next. The song says nobody knows. I married his mother again because I couldn’t live with that answer.

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“Help Me, Rhonda” by The Beach Boys

The chapter is named after the song. The song showed up in the chapter. It was not a good night.

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“The Rose” by Conway Twitty

Conway Twitty landing in the middle of this record is the joke. The chapter earns it.

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“Lookin’ for Love” by Johnny Lee

All the wrong places. All the wrong people. One of them was crying before appetizers.

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“Under Pressure” by Queen & David Bowie

Pressure in every sense. Some of it musical. Most of it not.

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“Kickstart My Heart” by Mötley Crüe

The label said take one, maybe two. I took nine. My heart took the title personally. My digestive system opened a separate case.

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“Hot in Herre” by Nelly

It was hot in there. Not in a good way. Not in any way.

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“Octopus’s Garden” by The Beatles

My therapist prescribed octopus documentaries. Every other animal on TV comes with a narrator. She sent me to the one that works in silence.

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“Every 1’s a Winner” by Hot Chocolate

Eight of us. Nobody won. Three DUIs. One plumber had the best week of his life.

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“Busy Earnin’” by Jungle

I spent the meeting protecting my job, blaming Steve, and discovering that professional survival has a beat you can dance to.

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“Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money)” by Pet Shop Boys

A scammer came for gift cards. I gave her an eighty-seven-year-old forest hermit named Betty, baked ziti, and an attachment issue. Nobody made lots of money.

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“Eminence Front” by The Who

The drinks flowed. I forgot. The lanyard made it official.

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“Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham

Every road trip becomes a holiday road eventually. Some just have more coconut oil.

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“The Passenger” by Iggy Pop

I was not driving. I had no control. A four-foot bong had the middle seat. Iggy understands.

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“Bohemian Like You” by The Dandy Warhols

Crystals. Tinctures. Tarot. Chicken-breast ankles. I dated her, and the maddening part is she may have saved my life.

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“Tick Tick Boom” by The Hives

There was a clock inside me. It had hair, teeth, and apparently its own development plan.

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“That’s All Right” by Elvis Presley

Elvis was the first costume she put me in. Decades later, she admitted she was crazy and still gave me notes on the performance. That’s all right, Mama.

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“I Wanna Be Sedated” by Ramones

The most at peace I have ever been was under anesthesia off a state route in suburban Cincinnati.

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“Machine Gun” by Commodores

A golden retriever hit the catering table like a two-stage heist, ate the evidence, threw it up, and ate it again. This needed an instrumental.

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“Shine” by Collective Soul

The shower anthem. The one you belt when nobody’s listening. I added a Hetfield grunt.

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“Someday Never Comes” by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Fogerty wrote it about his father. I wrote this about mine. Someday never came, and now I’m the one standing in the hallway.

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“Call Me” by Blondie

The callback was never the point. The calling always was.

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“Mockingbirds” by Grant Lee Buffalo

The chair asked me to feel something without explaining it. This is what followed me home.

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“In the Meantime” by Spacehog

I thought the culture was stuck in a loop. Turns out I was. Then Leo went outside and chased butterflies.

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“Kodachrome” by Paul Simon

Dad filmed everything. I learned to hide behind the camera and make everyone else’s life coherent in post. Eventually, I had to look up.

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“Happier” by Marshmello & Bastille

I took my son to see a man in a marshmallow helmet press buttons. The real show was learning to love him without demanding an encore.

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“And It’s Still Alright” by Nathaniel Rateliff

He was the best dog I ever had. I miss him every day. The world kept moving anyway.

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“Dancing in the Dark” by Bruce Springsteen

I sat in a dark basement holding one chord, waiting for a spark. Eventually, I pressed the orange button.

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“Birdhouse in Your Soul” by They Might Be Giants

Carl needed somewhere to land. Apparently my house was accepting walk-ins.

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“Punkrocker” by Teddybears feat. Iggy Pop

Love song, threat, apology, and an Iggy Pop cameo. That covers the relationship.

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“This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)” by Talking Heads

The book begins by asking how I got here. It ends by admitting this strange, collapsing, beautiful life is probably home.

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